From California, With Love
by the universe in her eyes
Summary: "TLAG" and "Forever and A Day" universe. Jane gets separated from her family for 80 days. Jonas, who's fifteen now, and Maura are left behind wondering why.


**MAY 10TH**

The air is grey that morning, almost misty enough to get in the way of their plans, but not enough. They dress in work out clothes, mumbling incoherent phrases to one another. She seems a little distant today, Maura notes, but that's the way Jane has been for weeks now. Her shoulders have a stiffness in them, as she stands at the counter making their coffee. Her shaking hands have frustrated her for days, but she goes on.

Maura approaches her wife and rests her hand along the small of Jane's back. She hears the brunette exhale slowly. "Hey, how about you give me this?" Maura leans forward to turn the stove off and grabs the glasses, leading way back to the table. "You sure you want to do this today? You don't have to. I can go for the run and leave you with the morning to do whatever you need."

Jane's eyes flicker. "You don't want me to go?" Her voice sounds hollow, and Maura leans forward to grab the brunette's hands. "No, no, of course I want you to come."

Jane pinches her nose. "That came out wrong," she sighs heavily. "Sorry. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

She hears Maura's voice in the distance somewhere, but when she tries to find her, her vision blurs. She doesn't recall passing Maura, she doesn't recall much of anything from the past twenty minutes. By the time Maura's reached her, they're meeting at the third block. "Hey!" Maura calls, heading over to the brunette who seems to be hunched over, catching her breath. "When did we decide this was a race?"

Jane shrugs Maura's touch away. "No, please," she heaves. "I'm sweaty."

"Jane."

"Come on, how many more miles do we have?"

"About a mile and a half."

"Get a head start." She encourages. "Go ahead, I'll meet you in a minute."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," her eyes drift off in the distance. "I just need to catch my breath."

"Okay," Maura says. She hands Jane a bottle of water before heading off. "I won't go too far, don't keep me waiting."

There's a park twenty feet away from where Maura leaves Jane. The brunette finds a bench, still dampened from the rain. She sweeps the condensation away with the sleeve of her jacket and sits down, speed dialing her partner. "Frost," she says. "This is the only time I have away from Maura. And since you want me keeping this from her-"

Her parner's words cut in the line. "How many times have I told you, Jane?" He sighs deeply. "You brought yourself into this, you took the kickback-"

"I didn't know it was a kickback!" Jane yells. She earns a few glances from other runners and people walking their dog, just passing by. "How many times do I have to get it in your head that I didn't know he happened to be involved with a string of murders."

"Six women, Jane!" Frost spits. "And he wants you to be the seventh. Come into the precinct this afternoon without telling Maura a word of this - do you hear me? We need to discuss possible relocations."

"Whoa- relocations?" Jane feels the urge to stand, though her body clearly feels otherwise when gravity pulls her back onto the bench. "Relocating? Is it that serious?"

Boston is her home, everything is here. Her wife, their son, the harsh winters she loathes and the heavily heated summers she might hate even more. She's built her career here - which got her in this situation in the first place - but everything she knows is here. With Maura. She'd go anywhere with her love, her life, her heart. And how could she have been so stupid, so careless when she took that offer months ago?

How was she going to explain this to Maura?

"Jane, I am trying to be empathetic," her partners voice pulls her back to. "I really am. I understand your situation-"

"I have a wife and a son," Jane whispers above her breath, feeling herself sink at the thoughts of what could happen. "What am I supposed to do about them? Are they in danger?"

"It doesn't appear so," he takes in a breath, a long one. "Jane, if you don't do this, you're putting not only yourself but Maura and Jonas at risk as well."

Her head rests heavy in her hands. "What do I have to do?"

"Jane-"

"Go ahead, just tell me Frost." Jane spits as she wipes her nose on her running jacket sleeve. "When do I leave?"

"I'll see you in an hour."

Three beeps slipping through the line signify the disconnection.

..

California.

She's only given the location, and after having spent hours arguing with her partner and her boss in a questioning room, Jane feels lesser than the people she'd herself bring in for questioning. She arrives home long before Maura could, to make it easier. She packs one bag, having been instructed to only bring clothes. There isn't much time for her to get the chance to see Maura, more so Frost isn't allowing it. He promised he'd inform her something, but something isn't their marriage. Something isn't the communication that's always been so strong between Maura and Jane.

"I need to see her before I go."

"Jane-"

"Please."

"You know I can't do that."

Jane slams her duffel bag on the floor by his feet. "I'm packing my things from my house." She crosses the room, plucking a picture to take with her despite Frost's disapproval. "I'm leaving everything I've built in this city, all because our precinct was too lazy to catch on sooner of what was happening. I know what I did, I know I took the kickback - but you of all people should know damn well, had I'd known what this freak was about I would've handcuffed him there. Instead, he's realized I'm a detective, and now I'm being shipped off into protective custody for who knows how long leaving Maura with nothing but a lousy phone call. If that's all I can do, fine, but you sure as hell better hope you catch this guy because if for one second I think they're in danger - I'm coming home. Do you understand?"

Frost pulls his phone from his pocket, feeling the weight of Jane's eyes, seething with raging anger. He'd do anything to calm her down, and with him calling the precinct there's at least a possibility of that happening.

"Dr. Isles please." There's a short moment of silence as he hands the phone to Jane as Maura came to the line.

_"Hello?"_

"Hi Maur," Jane whispers. "Listen, I can't explain everything right now. I'm still confused myself, but I needed to talk to you. I needed to tell you-"

_"Jane? What is this about? Are you hurt?"_

"I needed to tell you that I love you, Maura."

_"I love you, too Jane."_ Maura replies without a beat passing. _"Answer me, are you okay?"_

"Maura, I have to leave Boston."

_"Jane, what's going on? I'm coming home."_

"I won't be there." Jane whispers as she drops her key on the kitchen counter. "I've left my key, in case you need it. Frost will make sure he takes care of you and Jonas."

_"Jane-"_

"Be safe, Maur."

She tears the phone away from her ear, feeling herself at the brink of tears. In moments she can't explain when asked about them later, it's mostly a blur when she's shoved in a black car sitting in her garage. Hearing Maura's voice fade off before he loosens the phone from her grip sent Jane entirely into panic.

It's been years since Jane's been away from Maura longer than a night or two, possibly a week. They've managed that all before well, this though wasn't something she could envision working out between her and Maura. The possible endings after this have enough time to make her even more nervous on her private ride to the airport.

"This is for your safety, Jane." Frost again. From the passenger's seat, turned backwards to face her. She lifts her eyes. "What about them?"

"They'll be fine."

"That's all you've fucking got?" Jane raises her voice. She knows she isn't being fair to him. He's only trying to help her, to make sure that she's safe. "It's moments like this where I don't think my badge is worth it."

..

**JUNE 2ND**

The days without Jane turn into weeks. At first Maura lets it go, because she knows it's important, otherwise Jane wouldn't stay away for so long. However, weeks slipped into months. The days grow longer, warmer, but no amount heat tumbling in can keep Jane's empty spot next to Maura comfortable. She has replaced her good night's of sleep with comforting bottles of anything found under the sink. She's lost most contact with Jane's family, she's lost most contact with everyone outside of work. She can't recall the last time the phone even rang.

It's on a Friday night where they find themselves succumbing to a round of movies Jonas picked. "Come on," Maura softly rubs his shoulder, propping herself on the couch. "We'll order in, does that sound good? I know we've had a bit too much pizza. I can agree with that. Maybe something healthy?" Despite no blood shared, his face easily reflects Jane's, the same way it would every time Maura mentioned something about their eating habits. At fifteen years old, his expressions are just like Jane without having to try, and Maur tries to hold onto that. She'll give him all the pizza in the world if it means seeing little glimpses of Jane "Not so healthy? Anything you want."

"She's not coming back, is she?"

It's one of the fewer times he speaks about her. Jane's name is shoved away somewhere far in Jonas's mind, as much as neither want to admit - Maura can see it, and he can feel it happening. Speaking of her weeks after she didn't return, his irritability has grown. No phone calls, no messages. She's missed soccer games, events at school, everything that Maura's made sure she's been to. He can't put it in words, but Maura has been there during moments of frustration, anger, tears, as she holds herself together with composure long enough until he's fallen asleep.

Jonas mentioning Jane for the first time in a while leaves Maura startled.

"I don't know, Jonas." The blonde blows out a breath. "What I do know is, she wouldn't have done this without wanting to protect us."

"Protect us?" Jonas counters. "It's almost been a month."

"I know you're angry."

"Aren't you?" He wonders. "Haven't you thought about it?"

"Every night," Maura confirms with a short nod. "I miss her so much, Jonas. And it's okay for you to miss her too. And it's okay for you to also be angry, because if we're being honest - I'm very angry."

"You're angry?" Jonas asks, almost as if this thought hasn't occurred to him. "With her?"

"Sometimes I can't tell if I'm angry or if I'm just sad."

His eyes falter from Maura, and he begins staring at his hands. She approaches him slowly and kisses his head. "And sometimes it's okay not knowing."

"I don't want to be angry," he confesses.

"Neither do I."

"Pizza." Jonas says. "It's Friday. It's what we do."

..

**JULY 28TH**

Jane has been told several times that transitioning back into her routine wouldn't be easy. Her life from months ago would take some time to get used to again, things would be different. Things meaning relationships. Her marriage. There's so much she could say and explain but it's not quite what Jane wants to mention. She's had dreams about returning home and she's had nightmares of returning to absolutely nothing. The crippling fears of her own thoughts leaves Jane running her fingers over the scars on her palms. All she can ever do is think of Maura and Jonas. The Californian heat is enough to leave her sheltered away in her small studio. She's lost the will to take care of herself, her hair hasn't left its hair tie in weeks. Sleep has never come easy for Jane, but sleeping in a completely different state, thousands of miles away and without Maura has been even worse.

This wasn't her, no. She hasn't been herself in so long.

She's been so closed off to the outside world that it takes her a few times to register what a phone sounds like. There hasn't been much outside contact except for Frost, and sometimes their boss - never anyone else. The ringing is consistent, few times too many before Jane finally pulls it from under the couch to answer.

"What?"

"Jane, it's Frost."

"It's been you for the entire time. This phone is programmed with one number and it's yours. Of course it's you."

"Jane, please listen. We got him."

The brunette freezes, needing some time to register what he's saying. "… Sorry?"

"You're coming home. You'll be back in Boston by Sunday," Frost says, and Jane attributes the slight tremor in his voice to the obvious excitement. "Are you there? Do you want me to tell Maura?"

"To Boston?" She says, still unsure if this is really happening.

"Yes," he repeats himself. "You can finally breathe, Jane."

Finally?

She cannot imagine being able to breathe when, in her mind, taking a breath was igniting the match that would set everything on fire. She can't breathe thinking about having to face her wife and her son.

"H-How do you know he's not still out there?"

"Jane," Frost's voice calms her a little. "You don't have to worry. I promise."

"Frost," Jane clears her throat. "Has she been alright?"

His answer is going to be what'll hold her together or what'll break her completely, and she's mentally preparing herself for a 'no, not at all'. She's had nightmares, fearing Maura's betrayal and Jonas's rejection. She's had good dreams too, of returning to her wife, cradling the blonde, and at first they were real and vivid. The first woman she's ever loved, the one she hopes still has love for her.

"She took some time off," Frost states briefly, his tone turning a little colder. "She'll understand, Jane."

The brunette shakes her head, although he can't see. "She left work."

"Only to be with Jonas."

"Frost," Jane runs a hand through her hair, trying to somewhat untangle the mess. "I don't know what to do."

He sighs. "You're going to sit there and wait till I arrive. Okay?"

"Sure," she whispers. "And uh- no, don't tell Maura anything."

..

..

A time difference, so small it completely slipped her mind, but significant when she arrives back in Boston. It's a little later than she wanted, a bit too late that she knew there was no possible way Maura's left the door unlocked. In the dark, Jane notices that Maura's car isn't there, but Jane's car hasn't moved. She keeps her bag securely against her shoulder as she finds herself staring at her home. Behind this door is everything she's left behind for nearly two months. A little over eleven weeks, and a whole 80 days.

She stands there for a while, her foot on the first step, until car tires on the pavement make her turn around. Headlights cloud her vision as two figures step out.

"We changed the locks." Jonas. Definitely.

It's been months since she's heard their voices. He's changed, and when he comes closer, Jane notices that he's grown at least three inches. Recognizing that he stands almost as tall as Maura frightens her a little.

"Frost suggested it." Maura this time. Very quietly. "We will get you a new key."

How can seven words hold so much meaning?

"Maura," Jane whispers. "Maura, can we-"

"Yes," her wife nods. "As soon as he's in bed."

"Can…" Jonas fills the quiet that follows Maura's words. "Can Jane do it tonight?"

"What?" Jane cannot believe what she's hearing.

"Of course," Maura says with a promising smile. "Sure, she can do it. Right?" She turns to Jane, taking in her wife's skinny frame and exhausted eyes. Before Jane can do anything, the blonde has slipped past her and unlocks the door, welcoming her in with nothing else but an uncomfortable glance.

"Come on, bud," Jane extends her hand. "Should we go in?" It's a small exchange, but he accepts it right away. This feels familiar, and it feels good.

To Jane, it feels like meeting him for the first time all over again, introducing herself to a scared little boy who didn't know anything and couldn't trust anyone. But this time, he knows who she is, and he isn't so scared. He's perceptive and quick to forgive and as much as he wants to be angry - the moment he saw Jane, standing on the steps to his house - he can't. The only thing Jane recognizes is the tone of his voice when he asks her "Are you home now?"

"I-," Jane feels her throat close under the pressure, as she tries to keep her tears at bay. After a sigh and a little more time, she replies. "Yes, I am. I'm home, Jonas."

..

..

As a complete opposite of Jonas, Maura feels angry. She feels absolute rage at the brown-haired woman letting herself into their house. Instead of being welcoming, Maura shuts herself off the moment Jane comes into her line of sight outside the house. Maura's waited for what feels like lifetimes for this moment, when in reality it's only been months - months where everything has fallen on her. Jane might've left but life still had to continue.

In some of her darkest moments, Maura felt lonesome and so, _so_ tired. Waiting to hear if Jane was alright, waiting to hear anything, but getting absolutely nothing. Frost was distant during those months, but always physically there if she needed him to be. He's made sure Jonas got home when she ran late at work, but when it came to speaking about Jane, neither one could find it in themselves to mention her. She stopped asking where Jane had to go the second time he shut her down.

Seeing Jane, she thought she would've felt something other than anger. Relief, love maybe, but there's nothing. And it terrifies Maura, it absolutely terrifies her. Jane's home, but she still feels alone.

"Jonas is asleep." A voice pulls her from her thoughts. Jane's standing at the entrance of the door, looking at her wife sitting on their bed. "It took him a while, though."

"It happens," Maura whispers, shaking her shoulders carelessly.

"Listen, I'm-," Jane falls silent again, trying to find the words. "What happened back there, when he wanted me to put him to bed-"

"It's not a big deal," Maura scoffs. "Are you coming in or what?"

"Do you want me to?" Jane asks slowly.

"Why should it be a big deal? Hmm? You've been gone for the past two months and he's had to be with me every single night, of course he'd want you to put him to bed."

"Maura, hey, remember earlier when you said we could talk once he was in bed?" Jane feels so tempted to take a step inside, but the way Maura's eyes feel on her tell her otherwise. "He's in bed and you equally as exhausted as I do, so let's just-"

"Don't try to be rational with me." Maura crosses the room to change out of her clothes, avoiding Jane's eyes. She disappears into the closet. "Don't try to do that thing you do where you throw me off with something, and it just makes me want to correct you, and then it gets me into forgiving you and I fall into it every single time. Every single time, Jane," Maura's voice raises with every word she says. "Where's my dignity? Where's my pride?"

"How do you think I feel?" Jane's voice comes from the bedroom. "I left you with nothing but a lousy phone call." The brunette's voice grows quieter as Maura enters the room again, dressed in pajamas. Jane still stands in the entrance of their room. "I can't do this with you, Maur. I don't want to argue."

"When you first left," Maura starts, motioning for Jane to come in. "-after the first two weeks, constantly thinking about if you would come back to me - I started to realize that people would keep their voices down around me at work, whenever they were talking about a case. I don't know what happened that made you leave and I don't expect you to tell me any of it if it's kept us from danger. I thank you for it."

"Maura-"

"What I don't appreciate," Maura continues. "Is that you didn't come to me and at least tell me it wasn't me."

"I know."

"I thought I did something. I was so angry with you."

"Was?"

"I'm debating." Maura pauses. "Jane, I don't know what I feel for you." She admits.

"Do you still love me?" The brunette tries, not fully grasping the words until they've left her mouth, the heaviness of that question falling down on her.

"I never stopped."

Jane breathes. "At least there's a start."

Maura turns away just when Jane steps closer, and the brunette is left with the view of Maura's hair, falling down her shoulders in waves. She doesn't know if she should touch her, although her hands are already reaching out. It's been 80 days. Debating, she keeps her hands hovering above Maura's skin, above her hips.

"It wasn't ever you," Jane says. "I'd never abandon you and him. I couldn't tell you what happened Maura and I still can't. I'm sorry."

"Answer something for me," Maura says, turning her head a little, catching a glimpse of Jane's jaw. Clenched with nerves. "Are you okay?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?" Maura repeats. "You've gotten much thinner, your eyes are very hollow, it doesn't look like you've slept much-"

"This is what we're doing?" Jane laughs softly, her expression fleeting with relief as Maura lightly smacks her.

"What? Stop laughing." It looks like Maura can't suppress a smile either.

"You're doctoring me."

"I'm not," Maura insists with another light shove.

Jane grins. "Maura, come on,"

"Maybe a little," the blonde admits. "You haven't answered."

"I'm okay now," Jane says with a promising nod. "Are we?"

Maura unfolds the covers from the bed, pulling back her side to slip in underneath it, but not quite ready to. She turns to Jane who stands a few feet away, rubbing her arms over one another awkwardly. Maura reaches out for her, wanting to feel her close, startling a little when Jane's prominent ribs press against her body.

"I want you in our bed," she admits. "But not in those clothes. There's clean pajamas in your drawer."

"Maura, are you sure?" Jane eyes her questioningly, lifting her eyebrows with surprise at her wife's sudden touch.

"I should know, I did the laundry." Maura smiles sideways, urging that she doesn't mean it rudely.

"I meant about this?"

"You want to be here, right?"

Jane smiles, reaching for the button on her pants.

"There's no other place I'd rather be."


End file.
